on fear & fairytales.

i could ramble on about the many thoughts that have been floating around in my head and how they got there. and i just might. if you know me you know i think a lot. maybe too much? that one of my biggest struggles is turning my head off. i went to a photography conference on monday and was inspired by a particular speaker to not hold back on who i am. i suppose the more i feel that this blog is actually read, the less i want to say, if that makes any sense. i don't want to offend anyone, i don't want to push anyone away, i want people to like me, i don't want people to think i suck, etc. she said no matter if it's good or bad, you are connecting. it is your voice. at the end of the day, me is all i can be and if you really know me, i don't hold in what i'm thinking or feeling. hardly ever. so i'm going to start putting more of myself out there. if you like it, awesome. if you don't, well... ya win some ya lose some, right?


so i'm getting busier! this is a good thing. i've been doing a lot more sessions and every time i am behind my camera i am in love. that is no lie. i can be having a blah day, feeling completely uninspired and i start shooting and everything changes. by the end i am energized in a way i can't describe. i remember the first time i did a family session like it was yesterday. i came home from having a total AH HA moment and i was like this is what i'm supposed to do! it was one of those things i just knew. and i don't just know many things. like what i want to eat, or wear, or go, or do, or see, or what to make for dinner, really anything that requires a decision. especially absolutes. and forevers. i am indecisive to the core. but this, i know. so back to being busy. it's awesome and scary all at the same time. 


as i lay in bed last night my mind was racing. i have so many photos i need to edit, i need to blog, i want to make a photo book of zoe's first year of life, and second, branding, sushi, why did i have a super caffeinated chai tea latte at my 7:30PM meeting, what if that bride didn't like me, i need to update my website, should i start potty training tomorrow... i took a deep breath but my exhale was broken into small forced breaths. i couldn't relax. jesse was laying next to me and i whispered, sometimes i don't know if i can do this. just saying it allowed me to breathe again. he is the voice of reason and a rock that keeps me... well, sane. he helped slow my mind down and we made some plans. he's a fixer, so we devised ways that i could overcome my workload, grow my business, still stay home with my baby, AND be happy. we solved my world's problems from our bed. but i still couldn't sleep. so however crazy this may sound, sometimes i make him tell me a bedtime story to go to sleep. yes, it's childish and no, i don't care. it helps. for those brief moments of his (by the way, awesome!) fairytales my mind can wander to this perfectly simple, childlike, dream world. and if you wanted to know, the fairytale was about a bunny rabbit and a grasshopper.


i've tried to type out the story but it just doesn't work. in essence, the grasshopper was having a bad day and was weary and hungry and tired. she reluctantly asked the bunny rabbit for help. the bunny rabbit told her she could hitch a ride on his back and he carried her to where she could eat and rest, and they had a cool adventure along the way. in the world of metaphors, i was totally the grasshopper. and he was the bunny rabbit. usually the stories are of monkeys and fairies, but i didn't ask questions. and then i fell asleep. peacefully.

christie: senior session.

i love this girl like family. i remember it like it was yesterday... i walked in my front door from my last day of school as a senior in high school. i was STOKED. that is an understatement. i open the door and my sister and her best friend christie, who were fifth graders at the time, are sobbing on the steps right inside the front door. my heart sank. i literally thought someone died. if you know my sister, she... doesn't cry. like, if she broke both of her arms and all of her toes at the same time she'd be like "i'm good." but she was bawling. they were consoling each other and i was confused. i immediately cried out, "what happened?" and through their cute little fifth grader gasps and tears they said, "we... don't... want... to... leave... richie... elementary... school!" and then a flood of more tears. it was pretty much THE cutest thing i've ever seen. and if they knew then what they know now... this year they will be graduating from high school, and they are women in my book. they've stayed best friends, and even through different cliques and their (pretty much) opposite personalities, there is love like nothing else. through their friendship christie has become like a sister to me. she inspires me. she's creative, brilliant, free-spirited, hilarious, stunningly gorgeous and simultaneously so humble, and happy to be uniquely herself. i love it. we went out to dinner after this session and my shoulders and upper back were hurting from laughing so much. how does that even happen? meet christie.

i love you!

olivia: senior session.

i met olivia when she was four months old. my mom stayed home with us and did daycare in our home, and olivia's mom found her name on a bulletin board at the grocery store. she took a chance on us, trusted my mom with her babies, and we've been friends ever since. i don't want to talk about how long ago that was, or how i was old enough to remember it, because that makes me feel old. but olivia is graduating from high school so... you do the math. no matter the miles, or hard times, or any number of circumstances that kept us from seeing each other as often as we'd like to, we've always remained close friends. we celebrate each other's milestones and we love each other like family. karen (olivia's mom) helped us find and sold us our first house. and now i'm photographing her baby's last year of school. different but the same. i've known olivia since she was even littler than this. but she's been dancing this long...

love love love these. to me it captures everything i know and love about olivia. the child, the woman, her carefree spirit, her happiness, her love, her grace.

so beautiful.

a proud mama. i love you guys.

nothing but the best of luck this last year of high school... it's been awesome watching you from infancy to womanhood. what an honor. you've impressed me every step of the way and i can't wait to see what you do with your future! i'll be cheering you on for sure.

abigail: senior session.

when we moved to to fauquier over 10 years ago (wow, that makes me feel old) abby was one of the first people i met. she was a bright eyed, red haired little kid and she was almost exactly my younger sister's age. she was also our neighbor. her and my sister became fast friends and have stayed that way over the years. their family has also become like family to us, never hesitating to lend a helping hand WHENEVER we've needed anything. and the kids were no exception to that rule... whether we were moving, spring cleaning, when i had zoe, they were there with a hot meal and always to help - smiling the whole time. that's how i'll always remember their sweet family and i can't believe abby is graduating from high school. it's been awesome watching her evolve from a child into a woman - an amazing artist, a kind hearted person, and a good friend.

i love how the cow is sticking his tongue out at me.

congratulations abby, i wish you nothing but the best!

cienna: senior session.

when i first met cienna, she was 13 and one of my best friends was house sitting for her mom. she ran in from the lake in a bikini top and shorts, and i hadn't known her for more then a minute when she sat behind the piano and started belting out a song she wrote. i got chills, a tear might have come to my eye... she was THIRTEEN. and she already had an incredible presence, confidence, and just radiated this inner beauty and self love that not many 13 year olds have the confidence to find. it was a beautiful thing. now, she's graduating from duke ellington school of the arts, just finished her first album, and is living her dream. i am not surprised. she's really such an incredible young woman. meet cienna jade...

i love this.

vanessa and cienna's relationship is incredible. they are mother and daughter, the best of friends, but something that stands out to me is that vanessa supports cienna - her talent, her creativity, her ambition - fully, completely, & whole-heartedly. she has worked hard for the means to allow her dreams and her daughters dreams to take shape and become a reality. and most importantly, she's passed along the lesson that if you work hard enough for something, it's yours. she's instilled such a complete sense of self worth and unconditional support, and i admire both of them for their dedication, and for being so true to themselves and to their passion.

i know big things will continue to happen for you, cienna, and i wish you nothing but the best.